The Man's Guide to Women by John Gottman & Douglas Abrams & Rachel Carlton Abrams MD

Author:John Gottman & Douglas Abrams & Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rodale
Published: 2016-02-14T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 9

BECOMING HER BEST EVER

A Primer on Passionate Sex

The real lover is the man who can thrill you just by touching your head or smiling into your eyes—or just by staring into space.

—Marilyn Monroe

TO TRULY BE the Hero in a woman’s life, you have to be a Hero both in and out of the bedroom. Here’s the catch, though: As we said earlier, every woman is different. When it comes to making love, some women like things slow and gentle. Some women like things fast and hard. And most women want different things at different times in their day, or cycle, or stage of life. Some women will be comfortable telling you what turns them on, and others will leave it up to you to guess what leaves her breathing hard and quivering in ecstasy. When in doubt, we want you to think of the porcupine.

When John was an assistant professor at Indiana University, the famed sex researchers Masters and Johnson had just published their groundbreaking research on human sexual response. It was 1972, and having grown up in the ’50s, John was not used to direct sex talk. After Masters and Johnson’s research was published, many couples came into the clinic asking for help with their sexual problems. John tried hard to be professional, but every time he had to say “penis” or “vagina” he would falter and the words would come out as a barely intelligible stutter: “P-p-penis.” “V-v-v-v-vagina.” Needless to say, these were not words used freely around the dinner table when he was growing up.

Luckily Indiana University was the home of the famous Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. Paul Gebhard, one of the researchers who worked with Kinsey and co-authored the famous Sexual Behavior of the American Female, was offering a seminar on sexuality that was made for John and his “stuttering problem.”

During the seminar, John had to watch films of just about every animal in the kingdom having sex. He saw elephants doing it. He watched dogs, horses, camels, mice, giraffes, and zebras doing what they did to ensure the survival of their species. He paid close attention to the lions, tigers, and bears—oh my. Most of these sex acts were amazingly fast. None of the animals looked like they were having a whole lot of fun, nor did any of the acts look very romantic.

Until the porcupine.

Now, you can imagine how painful it would be for two porcupines to mate. They are covered in quills, and those quills are razor sharp. The male porcupine has a very interesting dilemma (that perhaps you can relate to). He wants to have sex quickly once he’s interested, but if he mounts the female porcupine too soon, and her quills are still up, he is going to get mightily injured. So what he does is he sits down in front of the female porcupine, and he puts his paws on either side of her face. Then he strokes her face very slowly and gently, over and over again.

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